BPW Foundation's Women Misbehavin' Blog

Well behaved women never make history

Stamina, Choices, Recession

Posted by nowitsleah on January 26, 2009

moms1

I’m new here. I haven’t even met most of the women who misbehave at BPW. It’s 4:30 in the morning and I’m up working before my kids get up (they are those painfully early risers you hear about sometimes. Most of my fantasies involve my children sleeping in until 8:00 am). I took a break to write a post because I was struck at the choices I make day after day in order to make enough money to both survive and spend time with my family.

Currently, I have 1 stream of predictable steady income, 2 streams of nerve wrackingly uneven income, and 1 brief shower of freelance income. These freelance thunderstorms come once every two months or so. Like the rains after a dry season, they refresh my dusty barren financial landscape and everything feels safe and lush for a short time. And then it’s back to the desert.

I constantly fret over whether I should try to find one full-time job or doggedly continue to piece together several different gigs as I have been. I want to spend time with my children during the day whenever possible, I like to pick my daughter up from pre-school in the afternoon. I’m not even sure I could find a full time job right now that uses my skills and is interesting to me. These days, many people with more education and experience than I have are applying for jobs that they would not have previously considered when the economy was more cozy. So I sit, sometimes a little frozen, wondering how to proceed.

Women, more than men, cobble together unusual work lives–often this type of choice is predicated on the presence of children. It was for me. Others are pursuing a creative career that requires a side job to make it all work until they really make it. The incredible stamina this requires makes me feel both proud and annoyed. I amaze myself sometimes with all that I accomplish on a regular basis. But, grrrr, why am I stretching myself so thin? Partly, I have no choice–rent is due on the 10th and I am responsible for it. Partly, I don’t want my children to be in (crazy expensive) childcare all day. Partly, I don’t know what else to do with the economic climate as it is.

So I hang in there, like so many other women, disciplining the worry monsters who nag at me daily.

photo credit

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One Response to “Stamina, Choices, Recession”

  1. joyinhome said

    I read this early in the morning (a few hours after it posted before my infant son woke up)and actually got a catch in my throat because – I get it- as many mothers do. It should not be so hard to provide for your children AND actually get to see them sometimes.

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